PAST
TEXT CHAT
Conor: When did you know that you were good at coding?
Star: When I was a teenager.
Conor: What happened?
Star: Managed to change the password on the alarm system that protected the family house.
Conor: Why? To cause trouble?
Star: Nah. I was pretty well-behaved back then.
Conor: At least you recognize that you’re not well-behaved now. Lol.
Star: 😛
Star: Oh, I can recognize it and admit to choosing to veer from the path of righteousness…
Conor: Meaning that you were on a righteous path at one point?
Star: For sure. You don’t enlist for shits and giggles. Surely Eoghan taught you that much.
Conor: I figured he wanted out of the Irish Mob lol and Uncle Sam wasn’t as big of a pain in the ass as Da is.
Star: It amazes me how you all let him get away with the stunts he pulls.
Conor: He’s our da. Don’t have to like him to know he wants what’s best for us.
Star: You genuinely believe that?
Conor: Most of the time.
Star: Do you love him?
Conor: I guess. It’s not an easy love though.
Star: Meaning?
Conor: Meaning that it’s a habit. We do as we’re told. We go to church. We eat Sunday dinner at the compound.
Conor: It’s like getting up and showering. You do it because you’re supposed to.
Star: I rarely do what I’m supposed to.
Conor: Please tell me you at least shower?
Star: I prefer baths.
Conor: Good to know lol. Personal hygiene isn’t an issue.
Star: Like it matters through a computer screen.
Conor: I don’t consign you to a computer screen.
Star: Meaning?
Conor: You sure you want to go there?
Star: Go where?
Conor: You playing coy?
Star: No, lol. What are you talking about?
Conor: I’m saying that I don’t just think of you when I talk to you.
Star: Hmm.
Conor: Hmm? What’s that supposed to mean?
Star: It means, ‘Hmm.’
Star: It means I’m not sure if that’s sweet or unnecessary and it means that I’m not sure if I should tell you that I think of you outside of when we’re talking too.
Conor: Well, hate to break it to you but you just told me.
Star: I’m aware.
Conor: So…
Conor: We both think of each other, then?
Star: Yes.
Conor: So…
Conor: Do you understand why you bathing might be of interest to me?
Star: I’d imagine because you think of me soapy and wet lol?
Conor: Well, yes. And doing other things.
Star: Huh. Are we talking about acts that would make you want to jack off? Or are we talking about how I’d break someone’s code?
Conor: Both. I think you know that either of those would be an attractive mental image for someone like me.
Star: Interesting.
Conor: Interesting good? Or interesting bad?
Star: I can feel your nerves from Hell’s Kitchen.
Conor: That’s probably because I AM nervous.
Star: Why?
Conor: Because I’m not sure if you would want me to think of you in that way.
Star: Hmm.
Conor: Jesus, are we really back to that?
Star: I don’t suppose you’d think of every hacker you’ve come across in the bath.
Conor: No, lol.
Star: Is it because anyone with tits would do?
Conor: No.
Star: Why then?
Conor: Because you’re you.
Star: Okay.
Conor: Okay?
Star: Yes. You can think of me in the bathtub.
Conor: You know what that leads to, don’t you?
Star: Yes. I already said the dirty words ‘jack off.’ I’m clearly not a nun, Conor.
Conor: You only act like one.
Star: Sex has always been a weapon for me.
Conor: That’s very candid of you.
Star: I’m a very candid person.
Conor: I’m aware of that. This is just more candid than usual.
Star: Well, we’re talking about you jacking off, Conor. I’m not sure you could handle more candor. I already feel like you’re squirming and I don’t know why.
Star: You’re a handsome man. You’re experienced. You’re one of the city’s most eligible bachelors, for God’s sake. So why are you nervous talking to me about this?
Conor: Because I don’t want to push you too far. If I did, I feel like I wouldn’t know until I never heard from you again and you were in Siberia or something.
Star: You haven’t pushed me too far.
Conor: Good.
*Ten minutes later*
Star: Do you have hang-ups?
Conor: From my past?
Star: Yes.
Conor: We’re talking sex, right?
Star: Yes.
Conor: I’m particular.
Star: In what way?
Conor: I dislike handjobs.
Star: Seriously?
Conor: Seriously.
Star: That’s… limiting.
Conor: It is what it is.
Star: Anything else?
Conor: Anal play is out. I don’t like hands in my hair either.
Star: Makes sense.
Conor: I’ve never told anyone that.
Star: You trying to tell me I’m special?
Conor: I think we both know you are.
Star: Maybe.
Conor: Do you have hang-ups?
Star: From being a sex slave?
Conor: Yes.
Star: Are you sure you want to know?
Conor: Wouldn’t have asked.
Star: I’m aggressive by nature and I wasn’t lying about sex being a weapon. That trait doubled down during that period of my life. That I don’t associate sex with pleasure is probably a hang-up.
Conor: Do you ever want to meet me?
Star: A part of me does.
Conor: Just a part?
Star: Another part of me knows that I’ll push you away at some point and you won’t come back.
Conor: You don’t know that.
Star: I do.
Star: No one sticks around me. I’m toxic.
Conor: Savannah loves you. She left, but she came back.
Star: Savannah’s different. Katina is too.
Conor: Why?
Star: I got to them when they were young lol. They’re used to me being toxic. At some point, I’ll alienate her again. Katina too. I think they’ll come back. But I never know for certain.
Star: Savannah wouldn’t have made up with me if I hadn’t shared what went down with the Sparrows.
Conor: Don’t we always have to justify why we do the things that we do if it hurts other people?
Star: Is that how love is supposed to work?
Conor: I don’t think love is ‘supposed’ to be easy.
Star: If it’s a struggle, then what’s the point?
Conor: Two years ago, I’d have agreed with you.
Star: What changed?
Conor: I met you.
